It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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