margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
