I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
