Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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