You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
