Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
BRING THE BAGELS
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
