so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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