Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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