Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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