stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
