Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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