it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
