Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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