after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
