I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
