You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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