are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
