I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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