Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
