at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
