You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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