Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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