don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
