Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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