He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
