i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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