dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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