Me. At least after what I've been through.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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