The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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