Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
