I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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