i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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