I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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