Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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