where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
