DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Found your dick twin last night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
