I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
