the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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