it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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