the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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