My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
