I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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