i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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