2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
