ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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