i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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