i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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