after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
