hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
