My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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