I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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