i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
