She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
