my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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