White coat. Heels.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
