I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
