she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
