I love black thongs
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
