:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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