Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
