I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There are leaves in my underwear?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
