I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
