I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm drive I can fine osifer
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
