I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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