the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
