Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
