he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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