I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
