remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
