please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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