I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
