This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
