We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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