There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
