Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
