and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i drank out of a bidet.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
